Self Control

..... a.k.a This Turned My World Upside Down.

WARNING : HORRIFIC PICTURES AT END OF POST. DUE TO THE EXTREME GRAPHIC NATURE OF THE PICTURES, DISCRETION IS ADVISED. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

The following story, true in every sense, made me realize that there are some beings, who have achieved a higher level of control over themselves than I can ever hope to achieve. While it is impossible to emulate him, I hope that we can pay homage to his memory, by knowing, that some idea's are greater than us. And while a man may burn, ideas are immortal.

Thích Quảng Ðức (1897 - 1963) burnt himself to death, on 11th of June,1963. His act of self immolation, later repeated by many others,was in protest of the persecution of Buddhism by the South Vietnamese administration. The act occurred at the intersection of Phan Đình Phùng street and Lê Văn Duyệt street.

The image itself is more popularised by featuring on the cover of the self - titled album 'Rage Against The Machine'

Reports of eye witnesses state that, Thích Quảng Ðức got out of the car, assumed the traditional lotus position, and the two accompanying monks helped him pour gasoline over himself. He then lit the gasoline by striking a match, and burnt to death in a matter of minutes.

After his death, it transcended that his heart, though shrunken, was completely intact, a whole. It has since then been treated as a holy object, and currently lies in possession of the Bank Of Vietnam.

I end this post, quoting the words of eye witness David Halberstam, a New York Times reporter, who worte :

“

I was to see that sight again, but once was enough. Flames were coming from a human being; his body was slowly withering and shriveling up, his head blackening and charring. In the air was the smell of burning human flesh; human beings burn surprisingly quickly. Behind me I could hear the sobbing of the Vietnamese who were now gathering. I was too shocked to cry, too confused to take notes or ask questions, too bewildered to even think.... As he burned he never moved a muscle, never uttered a sound, his outward composure in sharp contrast to the wailing people around him.

”

PICTURES :

And God Said, "Let There Be Light"

Awesome day today. Finally decieded today morning, that come what may, am gonna fight away the blues. So called up all my friends, met a group for lunch, met one more of 'em for Sheesha. It's so nice to be surrounded by a group of people whom you can totally lose yourself with, it's even nicer when the abovementioned people are themselves surrounded by hookah, aaaahhhh heaven!!!

(At this point, the author is rendered speechless by the fact that spell check accepts 'hookah' as a word.)

Also had the BEST chicken roll at Hershey's Bakery today, ( 2 of them, Gluttony is not a sin, it's a misunderstood virtue) and then played football in the rain, yey!!!

Suddenly, Life's not so bad anymore, heck in fact, its wayyyyy awesome. Yup, I've been at the edge of the abyss of boredom, but I am back, filled with smoke....errr....I mean, enthusiasm.

Cheers.

Life Can Be Such A B#$ch

A sample of my Life :
I am writing this at 1:00 in the morning.
I am supposed to be studying for GRE, less said about that the better.
I haven't had my Sheesha for 4 weeks.
My friends, and my Sheesha partners, are puffing away on the other side of town.
They're letting me know how good the Sheesha is.
Unless it snows in hell, I won't be having Sheesha tommorow also.
I am missing my best friend cause we ain't talking.
No one has bothered to update their blogs, so am out of reading material.
I am out of stuff to download.
I am writing about how ridiculously bored I am, to cure myself of the same boredom. Talk 'bout a viscous circle.

It's Better To Burn Out, Than To Fade Away.

Kurt Cobain rules. I am like in this total Nirvana mood today. Just been blaring their songs into my eardrums all day long, and it feels good too. Well, anyways to satisfy the more voyeuristic amongst you all, my favourite vocalist are, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain. When I was a child, all I wanted to do was grow up, live my life in the fast lane and then commit suicide when I turn 28. Incidentally, that was the age at which Kurt Cobain blew his brains out, and thought I am temporarily over that fantasy of mine, his suicide letter remains fluttering on my soft board. It's a brilliant letter, as could be written only by Him. It speaks of how he wants to end it all, because he doesn't enjoy, doesn't believe in the music he creates, and when all his fans go wild around that music, he feels like he is cheating them.

The letter has remained a source of inspiration to me all my life, cause it's taught me that whenever I want something, to go for it all out, to not

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embarrassment of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

Rest In Peace, Kurt Cobain.
Amen.

I Love My Blog

Well, finally got my blog reviewed. Man, it feels good to have such cool stuff written about you. I read the review frequently, it's a great pick me up. I am feeling unusually reticent today, so do excuse the short post. Anyways, I'll let my review do the talking for me.

" Brand new to the blogging scene and brilliantly written is this blog about the life and times of Alok from Maharashtra : India. I particularly like the post called Sanity Lost that is a cool list of things that has gotten our blogger "through" some stressful times. Fantastic and look forward to watching this blog grow into itself! Keep up the good work."

Hot And Cold

My brain is zonked. I swear it comes up with this totally eccentric thoughts inspired from eclectic sources. However, has anyone ever noticed how people from different countries will USUALLY (not always, so don't be crazy on me for this) use opposite temperature related words, to describe something good, with respect to the usual temperature of the country they live in. The effect, I think, is more pronounced when they actively dislike the general temperature of the country they reside in.

For example, people living in cold places (Alaska etc.) will usually use "HOT" to describe something they like. For example, if they like Ocean's Thirteen, or a ride at Disneyland, they'll go like "Man, that movie/ride was hot."

However, people living in hot places (Mumbai, so hot, that they call it a melting pot.) (Sudden afterthought : Please don't hate me for cracking that, my humor generally settles itself in a higher plane that that). Anyways, people in hot places tend to use adjectives like "COOL" or "CHILLED OUT" to describe the good things. For the above example, most Mumbai-ite's would say "Man, that was a cool ride" or "Man, Ocean's Thirteen is one chilled out movie."

The above should be enough proof for my readers to realize what wierd notions are entertained by my thought process, thus lending credibility to my theory, that I AM BORED.

America

"The first thing that hits you about Bombay is it's Heat. It's present everywhere and at all times. Nowhere in Bombay can you escape the humid heat" The above lines, taken from Gregory David Roberts' "Shantaram", aptly describe my feelings when I stepped out of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport on Monday Morning.

Well, sorry to be updating so late. But my net's been conked since I've arrived. Anyways, my bad but moving on...Man, America was decent alright. I don't quite love the country but I am definitely not hating it though. Just a word of advice - Don't ever go to Los Angeles, It's bloody the boring-est place in America. See, basically the entire city's hot spot is this 1 mile long road called Sunset Strip and if you have cash to burn and no parents to stop you, then you can go and chill out there. Man, I stepped out of my hotel at 8 in the night to just take a walk and Jesus, I was like "What a ghost town".

On the bright side, I got to visit Universal Studios Theme Park and also Disneyland. That WAS amazing man. I love theme parks and rides et all. I guess I am still a child inside. But that was like the only bright spot in L.A.

After L.A. came the sinful Las Vegas. Oh man, this place rocks. Basically it's a city of Sin. You can get anything you want there - Booze, Cash and Sex, and cheap too. It was a wild time there. I like used to step out of my hotel at like 8 and come back at 4. Man, the city lives during the night. I love gambling too, I was quite the hotshot at Roulette. Too bad my parents didn't let me really get into it, I could have made a killing. I like Las Vegas, it's a city of extravagance and of wealth. Everything is so larger than life there. It's a city to lose yourself from reality.

Well, after that came the best part of the trip, The Cruise. Oh man, THIS WAS FRIGGIN AWESOME. I love cruising. I'll say one thing, Alaska is beautiful. It's a virgin land, untouched. And I love the open sea. I used to sit out on the deck till 5 in the morning. On board, there was this magican, Shawn Farquhar. I swear, he was the best magican I have ever seen. Like he did a couple of illusions, you know, the cutting the pretty assistant in half and all, but then he did this close up magic trick with cards. It was....simply put, It was the greatest magic trick I've seen in my life. Here's the video link to it. The trick will remain with me for the rest of my life. The song is "Shape of my heart" by Sting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkYNAwdFH9M

Also, at this one port I did America's largest Zip Line. See, a zip line is this extreme adventure sport, where they hang cables from the top of a mountain to the bottom, following the slope of the mountain, but above the trees and all. Then, they drive you to the top in a bus (the ride itself is 50 minutes) and strap you into a literal 'jhoola', a swing, with only a helmet and a seat belt between the two pieces of rope and then, they release you. Words are hopelessly inadequate to describe the experience, so am sending you a video link. See the entire video, as in after some time there's a first person point of view. Link :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhQchdegof4

Man, this is the best. This thing is 5600 feet long and drops me 1400 feet in 90 seconds flat. the speed is approximately 106 kmph. Its not even funny this one. And thanks to a massive spring, it comes to a stop in 0.5 seconds flat.

SONGS :
On my trip I was lucky enough to come across some good songs. The lyrics of all these songs are what sets them apart.
1. Shape Of My Heart by Sting

2. Luck, Be A Lady Tonight by Frank Sinatra (A wonderfully apt song to be heard in Las Vegas)

3. Son Of A Sailor by Jimmy Buffet

4. Country Road, Take Me Home by John Denver

5. Piano Man by Billy Joel

Humour :

Finally, on a jocular note. While I was in America, I came across these two totally howlarious snippets.

First, was when I was using a Public Restroom in the airport at Alaska. It was a wonderfully practical rhyme from which one could sense the author's anxiety. It goes like :

"Here I lie in deadly stupor,

Waiting for some toilet paper,

I wonder how much longer shall I linger,

Before I am forced to use my finger."

Secondly, there was this amazing inscription on a T-Shirt, which was made like an Master Card Advert. It goes like :

"3 bottles of beer : $21

4 shots of tequila : $26

2 shots of vodka : $12

6 Yeager bombs : $30

Taking home the girl who drank all this : Priceless."

On a brighter note, I met a group of people who made my cruise not only fun but unforgettable thanks to their quirkiness. I would like to thank them for their company and presence, they transformed the ride from a memorable one to an unforgettable one.

To Vas, Peter, Dominica, Rasiaka : Thanks for the best games of pool and Karaoke and large doses of fun.

To Cindy, Nancy,Marleen : Thank you for teaching me the importance of taking time off to smell the flowers, for giving me one of the biggest shocks of my life, and for silencing the cynic in me. I had some wonderful times with you all (P.S. : The cynic will be back).

Cheers for now people.