The Chronicles Of Alok - The Mirror, The Ohri And The Bra.

Seems like Harry Potter's the flavor of the blogosphere (surprise, surprise). I think, I've outgrown Harry in the last few years, I will read the last book, but only to complete what I've started. Not that there's much to read anyways, since Mumbai Mirror took it upon themselves to f*&k it up for everyone. Seriously Mirror, GO RAPE YOUR MOTHERS, YOU INCESTUOUS SLUTS. YOU FUCKING WHORES ARE GOING TO BURN IN HELL AND THEN YOUR INTESTINES ARE GOING TO BE FORCE FED TO YOU. HOPEFULLY, YOU'LL WALLOW IN SHIT AND EAT CRAP. I hate tabloid journalism.
The Revenge Of The Ohri - Imagine, it's the beginning of the weekend. You've set yourself up for a Prison Break Marathon. No breaks in between, just the way you like it. The drinks are cold and the grub is hot. The ice cream is chilling in the fridge and 11 episodes of prison break are queued for playback. Can existence be any more blissful? Suddenly after the end of the 5th episode, you feel like you've just crashed into another parallel existence. The actors, the music, the set and the main plot is all the same but it's all disoriented, disjointed. Dazed and confused, you review your play list, only to discover that the 6th episode was sneakily not given to you. Oh well, you accept that life's given you one of it's legendary kick on the balls and sit back and immerse the remaining weekend into the comfort of your life saver, the PS2.
It seems college, while providing plenty of fodder for the mundane, has a stunting effect on my creativity. I guess that's just the definition of an engineering college. Oh well, only one more year and the worst mistake of my life will blow by, sweet!!
Went and saw Zodiac the other day. It was a decent movie, certainly doesn't deserve a 8/10. It's horrendously long and indecently boring, but as far as a historical portrayal of a still at large, now defunct, criminal goes, it's highly watchable.
Just read today that the humble bra is celebrating it's centenary. We all know how important it is to the fairer sex, what with all the push up and the padding bra, then the ever comfy sports bra and the required strapless or transparent one to go along with that little black dress. All said and done however, kudos to the bra for occupying such a prominent place in the male mental constitution. Since, we were kids the bra was THE piece of clothing. I guess it's the one thing that women wear exclusively. Also, it covers the most beautiful and womanly part of her anatomy, and as kids, boy oh boy, the bra was special. A hidden fascination about it is also nurtured by the fact that it's got so many forms. There's the sports bra, the push-up bra, the transparent bra and lingerie etc. Also there's just so many sizes which chicks refer to, but which to us are just hidden codes. I mean, who the hell knows the difference between 24B and a 36A and all the millions of permutations and combinations that abound. The bra is a cultural icon too, what with such legendary songs alluding to it, such as "Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hain" (I know that "Choli" means blouse, but trust me, that's not how it was understood) etc. It's genuinely hard to think of a piece of everyday clothing in history that has fascinated the male sex so much. Ironically, all us guys seem to be desperate to reach that one piece of clothing, but most lack the know-how to open it with one hand. I mean, you would think that after so much preparation to reach the aforementioned piece of clothing, one would have spent time on studying how to unlock it. Anyways, most chicks make too much of a deal out of the entire "open-it-with-one-hand-and-don't-fumble-around" issue. So here's to the bra, the single most fascinating piece of clothing, an item which has, is and always will be occupying a prominent position on the female body and the male mind.
That's about all from here. Thanks for reading. Cheers.

My Readers Are Awesome

Right, first and foremost, a big legendary thank you to all who helped me with getting my hands on Prison Break. Special mention here to Raghav with whose help I actually landed the sitcom, though after our first conversation he must think I am a certifiable loony. Let's just say the conversation was so short and abrupt it made a lemon law scenario look like an eternity. More on that someday.

Also, I should warn you that I am currently experiencing a rather severe case of blogger's block. So though I will churn out posts with regularity, do not expect anything above par. However, I will keep on writing, not only for it's therapeutic effects, but since I believe that this is the best way to get over my current condition.

It seems that I have destroyed a personal view that I had about myself. See, in the past I was intensely proud about the fact that I could traverse the net and find anything. I regularly used to delude myself by saying that if it's on the net, then I can find it. To be fair, in the past I have never failed in the pursuit of anything online. A combination of google, net junkies and other factors have all conspired to enable me to find anything. However, it seems that for the first time, I've been stumped. I can't find out if there is any DC++ hub in Bandra (West). I've searched high and low to find a hub, while being tormented by my friends in Mulund, Thane, Powai etc. about the joys of a DC++ hub. In the end, even they admitted ignorance on a hub in Bandra and I was forced to accept defeat. So I was hoping that some one out there will be angelic enough to help me find out a hub in Bandra. For the uninitiated I am using Reliance (not the data card), so please please help and thanks a ton in advance. Cheers and thanks for reading.

Back To The Daily Grind.....Legendary

Well, college is back on, and it felt good for a couple of days to be back in the hustle and bustle that only 1680+ excited, confused, dazed, angry and (this is the perfect engineering student adjective) disillusioned students can create. Also, as is usual, am already dead bored of it. Apologies for the late update, the http had turned it's back on me, and was of the information superhighway (Author deserves to be shot for using such a cliched word) for a while. However, the good souls at Reliance Communications have restored order and all is good. The kick in the nuts, however, is that I have done nothing blog-worthy (Is that even a word? But thanks Sneha, for expanding my vocabulary) in the past few days. I did meet a co-blogger for the first time, will hopefully meet one more soon and saw copious amounts of "How I Met Your Mother". Capital sitcom that one, highly recommended and a break from intense stuff like Heroes et all. Also, if you do happen to catch it, you'll probably understand a lot of the terminology that, owing to degradation of my writing skills, will appear in future posts. So net hi-five (Okaaaay, so you can shut this window right now, I swear I won't blame you). Well thats all from this end. Also, if anyone can loan me the entire seasons of "Prison Break" and "Life As We Know It", then bored Alok will be eternally grateful. Thanks for reading. Cheers

Fate, A.K.A. The Pharaoh Holding A Dead Rat

Right, so 1370 in G.R.E. That's not half bad, especially as compared to my morbid expectations in the previous post. The theory that easier G.R.E. papers are set on American Independence Day is a runaway success, at least in my eyes. By the way, I should tell you that the title of this post has absolutely no connection with the matter written here. I just had to put it so as to show everyone what a certain reader has thought of my cavalier effort to portray Fate graphically in my previous post (Just wait till you pick up a pencil/brush dude, I'll be right over your shoulder). Needless to say, it had me laughing over the past few days. Personally, I think that being an Arsenal fan, he just lacks the necessary insight to understand. I mean, what can you say about a team that passes the ball 20 times in the penalty box and still doesn't score. To worsen matters their deluded fans often label it as beautiful football, forgetting to see that it's about as effective as a lace handkerchief in a rainstorm. Wake up fellas, the beauty of football is in it's effectiveness. At the end of the day, you gotta get a job done, period. Finally, as this post has meandered from being a G.R.E. score update, to the latest humorous review on my artwork and finally to arsenal-hating, I'll sign off with a few of my favourite "I Hate Arsenal" chants :

My old man said be a Arsenal fan,

I said "Fuck off, you're a cunt"

We took the North Bank in half a minute,

We took the the Shed with the Chelsea in it,

We Hammered the Hammers,

With carving knifes and spanners,

So I'll never be a Gunner,

Cos every cunts a runner,

That's what I told my old man.

If I had the wings of a sparrow,

If I had the arse of a crow,

I'd fly over Arsenal Tomorrow,

And shit on the bastards below, below,

Shit on the bastards below.

There's only one Arsene Wenger,

Only one Arsene Wenger,

With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile,

Wenger is a fucking peadophile.

There's only one Sol Campbell,

There's only one Sol Campbell,

With a packet of sweets and a cheeky grin,

Campbell likes bollocks on the chin.

Vieira, whoa-ohhh

Vieira, whoa-ohhh

He wants to leave the scum,

Cos Campbell wants his bum.

Cheers and thanks for reading.

As You Sow....So Shall You Reap

Right, so I am screwed. Got to give my G.R.E at nine in the morning tomorrow, and haven't done anything. People complete the 30 boxes of words 3 times over, I've done the first 18 boxes once so far. Anyways, am way too apprehensive to write, so I think I'll just crash early (Yup it's actually 10:30, that's gotta be a record of sorts), and place all my hope in the one hope that I had envisioned when I selected my G.R.E. date, that tomorrow being American Independence Day, I may actually get an easier paper than on any other day. Anyway, on this fool's hope I'll retire now. Keep watching this space to see how badly it all went.

'TAG !!! Your It !!' And Other Assorted Posts.

Well it seems like I got tagged, so am supposed to write/blab/reveal 8 secrets. Unfortunately, these have to be pertaining to me (yeah, I know, takes all the fun out of it doesn't it ?). Anyways, before I begin, just a explanatory note about the title. I've decided to amalgamate a few posts, which I've been meaning to write, but were put on the backseat due to the dubious responsibility that being tagged has thrust upon me. Since the only thing I like on my backseat is a hot chick, hence I write all in this one post. Now, the secrets....

• Well, I am a big solitude fan. Though I have never shirked the company of people, my daily Nirvana is generally achieved by spending a few moments with myself. I guess this is manifested in the late night walks, the constant blaring of the mp3 player (heavy metal's awesome, cause it has a beat, and it's loud enough to make you forget everything) etc. I guess that is one thing that pisses me off about Mumbai, is how there are so many people here. I mean, why in the good lord's name do we have to open ourselves to every Tom, Dick and Harry ( 1000 squatters enter Mumbai.Daily). Just for once I'd like to spend a day in Mumbai not fighting for my inch of space, in a city that has none to spare.

• Whenever I meet someone new, I generally find faults with them. It's just this thing I do, I meet someone, we talk, and the next 15-20 minutes are devoted to my brain just coming up with as many first impression faults as it can. While most people tend to do the opposite, this is me. Sure, I'll become friends, and maybe even more (if it's a member of the opposite sex) with the person, but for starters I just find faults. It generally doesn't affect the future relationship much, but heaven forbid if I meet someone new, without trying to discover faults.

• I am naturally inclined to left-ees. Being one myself, if I meet someone who's naturally left handed, then I am generally agreeable towards that person, and would even risk overlooking some of the more obvious character flaws. All said and done, I like left-ees.

• I am an eternal romantic at heart. While most people who THINK they know me, will now fall off their chairs laughing, and confidently state, that my idea of romance is a king sized water bed and a contraceptive, I know that I like to hold my sweetheart's hand, go for a walk, come up from behind and kiss the nape of her neck et all. Sure, I don't aggressively promote the fact that I am a romantic (when you pass out from a boy's school, you tend not to do such things), but then, that's why it qualifies to be on this list.

• I am like this total movie freak. I download a movie every two days. It doesn't matter how it is, whether it's an unrealistic fantasy, or a love story with a bitter end, or an action thriller, or a total feel good teen romance movie, but I just need a movie. Movie's are a more integral part of me then most people realize. I don't only see them, I get totally engrossed in them. I generally try to incorporate what I've learnt from them in my daily life, I keep seeing them over and over again, or only once, but movies are generally my life.

• When I grew old enough to realize what direction I want my life to take (Ironically enough, I still don't know the direction. I know the destination, but the path eludes me), I made one promise to myself, on which I live my life, and that was to live life without ever regretting my actions. No, it's not that cliched way of living, in which I live like a loose canon, without looking back, without feeling sorry for what I've done. The crux of my promise was, that come what may, I am gonna live my life in such a way, without any preset notion of right and wrong, that all my actions which I take, I will never ever look back and be sorry for what I did. So all that I do, all my questionable vices that certain powers that be would like me to give up, I won't, cause I know that it's my choice, and I don't regret that. Hence, I am what I am, because I made a promise, that whatever I do, I'll think it over completely so that it's something that I won't regret later. However, despite my best attempts, I've made two stupid mistakes, that I really feel sorry for now. The newest one I will not divulge, it's been mentioned sporadically in the last few posts and I will fix it, come what may. The second thing that I am sorry for is something that happened in the first year, when I was caught, and which I deeply regret now. Apart from this, my life is guilt-free, and I am generally a happy person because of that.

• I am a total night owl. I love the nights and can stay awake for as long as it takes. I don't need much sleep, a 15 minutes nap is enough for me to survive the day. Whether this is due to staying awake at nights, or I am capable of staying awake due to this, I can't say. What I do know is that, I generally stay awake at nights, go to sleep from 4 to 8, but am capable of falling asleep at 11 P.M. and sleeping soundly till 10 the next morning. I love sleeping for 10 hours, but am equally efficient when I sleep for 10 minutes also. I am thankful for this gift of total control over my sleep, it enables me to catch up on a lot of stuff.

• I am a coffee fanatic, a dog lover and a connoisseur of rock music. Just to clarify, I hate tea, I'll pick a dog over a cat any day (though am not averse to the company of felines) and am mostly musically intolerant to anything except good old rock.

So there you have it, my 8 secrets, those are definitely not all of them. I think these are the most fun one's, to satisfy the voyeur in all of us. So now, I have to pick out 8 equally daft people to continue this exponential game of TAG. Right, so the usual suspects are :

1. Raj
2. Sukanya Doshi
3. Raghav
4. Pratap
5. Dimple
6. Ankur
7. D
8. Sneha (Right back at ya dudette. Sorry, didn't have anyone else to complete the list)

Some of the people in the above list are there to fill up the list, some are there cause I don't know them so well (Dimple, Pratap, please don't stop visiting my blog after this), some are there cause I know them too well (Ankur, get writing mate) and some are there cause I really dig their writing and wanna see what they can come up with (Raghav, Sukanya and Pratap).
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Life, As We Know It.

So I got up from a quickee (nap you pervert, a quickee nap) yesterday afternoon, and this idea for this image came into my head. I don't really know what inspired me, maybe a dream I was having or something (blank), but the idea was there. So I drew this silhouette, it represents my idea of what life is like. See, the woman on top is Fate, who sits on top of the donkey, that's us, and all our dreams and aspirations are represented by the carrot dangling from the stick. So all our life, we spend chasing the carrot, which hangs some distance away, the distance controlled by the stick fate is holding. It's just that some have to realize that the faster we go, the carrot is not going to come any closer, that the faster we move, the faster the carrot also moves, and at all times the distance is the same. While if we move slower, we can stop, relax, enjoy and then continue our pursuit of the carrot. If we get the carrot or not is immaterial, that depends on the lady, but what matters is how we chase it. That's all we can control really, how we can chase. And I like to believe that there is a god, who in the end rewards us all with our carrots, provided we have chased it hard and true.

Do I sound like a self help book? Yup. Have I blabbed along for far too long. Definitely yup. So I guess I'll stop here today, thanks a ton for reading.
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Death Of A Blog

This is a petition, a formal request to one Raj and a certain Miss D, intellectual copyright holders of the blogs "Twisted Intelligence" and "Glimpses" respectively. It has come to my notice that the above mentioned blogs have been suddenly and inexplicably removed from the blogosphere. It is my sincerest request that the blogs be revived at the earliest possible, not only because the owners are amazingly gifted writers, but also because they made the blogoshere a better place to write in. All supporting parties can leave similar words of encouragement in the comments section of this post. Thanking you.

Me, The Drug Addict.

A little conversation I had with my parents today evening

Background :
The conversation is played out in two parts. My mom was cleaning out my room today, she does this like thrice. Monthly. Seriously my mom's cleanliness drive will put Monica (from F.R.I.E.N.D.S) to shame.Anyways, M - Mom, A - Alok, D - Dad.

( Alok is on his way to the football field from the gym at roughly 8 P.M. when the phone rings)

M : Alok, where are you ?
A : On my way to play. Why?
M : Alok, what's this packet of RED HEART SHAPED PILLS (yup, you read that right) in your drawer ?
A : Mom, did you say red, heart shaped pills ?
M : Yes, and they're called 50 - 50 (just gets better, doesn't it?). I found them in your drawer.
A : Where in my drawer ?
M : In this little plastic pouch, with Benzer (that's a famous shop, in Breach Candy) written on it.
A : (Trying not to laugh)(Can you blame me, I mean little heart shaped pills ? What is this, left over candy from Valentine's Day.) Mom, I don't have any such pills stored anywhere in my drawer (and if I did, I wouldn't leave them lying around, on the day I know your gonna clean my room !!!)
M : (Slightly raised voice, never a good sign) Alok, I found these in your drawer. Where are you, can you come home right now ? What are these pills ?
A : No mom, I'm on my way to play, can't we do this after I finish playing ?
M : Why can't you come home, where exactly are you right now ?
A : Ermm...I'm somewhere between the gym and the ground, not too far off from reaching and in a small bye-lane, from where I'll reach in a few minutes, but not too far from the gym, so I can't come home. (When you can't convince, then confuse!!!)
M: Oh okay, come home soon

(End of act I, act II commences after the football game)
(I see 2 missed calls on my cell, needless to say whom they were from, so I call back)

M : Where were you ?
A : I was playing.
M : Where's your iPod ? I can't find it anywhere. (Clearly, the hidden secret of how I funded the purchase of these pills was being pondered upon.)
A : Mom, my pod is in my bag, so just relax naa.
M : Okay, come home quickly.
(I enter my house fifteen minutes later, Dad's having dinner. I am, of course, being scrutinised)
A : Hi mom. So let's see the pills. (When you're innocent, you can afford to be cocky)
M : They're upstairs.
( We climb up the stairs, me and mom only. Mom brandishes a packet in her hand, removed from her drawer)
M : What are these ? (And lo, there they were, little heart shaped pills, with the number 50 stamped on them and coloured a particularly hideous shade of red. It was enough to make anyone think they weren't ordinary.)
A : (Cockiness quickly evaporating. I mean, strange pills in my drawer, the gravity of the situation just hit, and it hit hard.) I've never seen these in my life before.
M : Alok, they were found in your drawer.
A : I've never seen these before. (When in deep shit - deny, deny and then deny some more.)
M : Wait, I'll ask your dad.( Dad is duly summoned.)
M : (To dad) Do you know what these are ?
D : (Looks at them, and then answers, cool as a cucumber) Yes, they're some headache pills that the doctor gave me, when you were out of town. Where did you find them?

( End of Act II )

Epilogue :

As it turned out, they were some harmless headache pills, a variant of the more common aspirin. Whether the manufacturing company were love struck idiots, or just possessed a poor (read : Warped) idea of what an aspirin should look like, I cannot say. Needless to say that Mom was suitably abashed at this, and dropped the matter there. Oh, and as far as the story of the number '50' goes, that was the simplest part of all. It was just printed, as is done in some tablets, to indicate the strength of the dosage. In this case, it simply stood for 50 mg.

So there you have it, of how I was accused of being into substance abuse (which, for the record, I am not. Yet.), and of how it ended, with an embarrassed mom, an unfazed dad (the doood that he is, he's still as relaxed as if nothing ever happened) and my untarnished reputation intact (rather, it was protected from massive amounts of further tarnishing.)