The Engineering Song

(With apologies to Don McLean)
(To Be Sung To The Tune Of "American Pie")

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember,
How the studies used to be chilled,
And I knew that if I had my way,
I would ditch this shit and get a lay,
And, maybe, I'd be happy for a while.

But March made me shiver,
With every board exam paper I'd deliver,
Another good paper down the drain,
I knew my life would be a pain.

I can't remember if I cried,
When I read my engineering admission rites,
But something fucked up deep all right,
The day my creativity died.

So bye-bye, where does my creativity lie,
My brain was driven insane,
And the insanity was an engineering requisite, oh my.
And us good old students were drinking vodka and rye,
Singin', "This'll be the day that I cry",
This'll be the day that I'll let my creativity die.

Did you write the book of mugging,
And do you have faith in the art of proxying,
If the seniors tell you so ?
Do you believe in copying, without understanding,
Can attendance save you from the defaulters listing,
And can you teach me how to glass trace real slow ?

Well, I know that we all are hating it,
But we gotta put up with this shit.
We all kicked off our freedom,
Man, why is life so full of boredom?

I was a lonely student in VJTI,
With hopelessness and a tear in my eye,
But I knew there was no one sadder than I,
The day, my creativity died.

I started singing,
Bye-bye, where does my creativity lie,
My brain was driven insane,
And the insanity was an engineering requisite, oh my.
And us good old students were drinking vodka and rye,
Singin', "This'll be the day that I cry",
This'll be the day that I'll let my creativity die.

Now for four years we've been rotting in dust,
And our brains have all begin to rust,
But that's not how it used to be.
When the director sang for our orientation,
In a voice he borrowed from late night news edition,
And a disappointment that came from you and me.

Oh, and while the director was looking down,
The faculty stole our freedom crown,
The orientation was, hence, a success,
And all the students were a mess.
And while I read a book on our plight,(Five Point Someone)
"No Sitting and Laughing In the Quad" was enforced without a fight,
And we wrote assignments till late at night,
The day my creativity died.

We were singing,
Bye-bye, where does my creativity lie,
My brain was driven insane,
And the insanity was an engineering requisite, oh my.
And us good old students were drinking vodka and rye,
Singin', "This'll be the day that I cry",
This'll be the day that I'll let my creativity die.

Helter skelter in a summer swelter,
We all joined engineering without any shelter,
Eight days in and falling fast.
It landed foul on our lives,
The students tried to get future wives,
The resulting girls made us stab ourselves with knives.

Now the vacation air was sweet perfume,
While the students played a joyous tune,
We all celebrated a semester's culmination,
If only for of a brief reprieve from the oppression.
'Cause the students were finally free,
For a brief period that seemed as short as can be,
Do you recall how sad we were to be,
The day our creativity died?

We started singing,
Bye-bye, where does my creativity lie,
My brain was driven insane,
And the insanity was an engineering requisite, oh my.
And us good old students were drinking vodka and rye,
Singin', "This'll be the day that I cry",
This'll be the day that I'll let my creativity die.

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space,
With no time left to start again.
So come on: Let's be mugging, Let's be proxying,
Let's all be students of engineering,
Cause boredom is our only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage,
My hands were clenched in fists of rage,
Only the noise from the lecture ending bell,
Could break that Satan's spell.
And as the stars climbed high into the night,
To light our sacrificial rite,
I saw the professor laughing with delight,
The day my creativity died.

We were singing,
Bye-bye, where does my creativity lie,
My brain was driven insane,
And the insanity was an engineering requisite, oh my.
And us good old students were drinking vodka and rye,
Singin', "This'll be the day that I cry",
This'll be the day that I'll let my creativity die.

I met a girl who topped the class,
And I asked her if she ever had a blast,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the football ground,
Where laughter and joy was abound,
But the watchman there said we couldn't play.

And in the classes: the students screamed,
The toppers mugged, and the back benchers dreamed,
But not a word was spoken,
The sanity of all was broken.
And the three things I admire the most,
The creativity, learning, and the ability to post,
They caught the last train for the coast,
The day my creativity died.

And they were singing,
Bye-bye, where does my creativity lie,
My brain was driven insane,
And the insanity was an engineering requisite, oh my.
And us good old students were drinking vodka and rye,
Singin', "This'll be the day that I cry",
This'll be the day that I'll let my creativity die.

They were singing,
Bye-bye, where does my creativity lie,
My brain was driven insane,
And the insanity was an engineering requisite, oh my.
And us good old students were drinking vodka and rye,
Singin', "This'll be the day that I cry",
This'll be the day that I'll let my creativity die.

With A Gun To My Head....

So I decided today, that come what may, I'll bloody well post. After my enforced sabbatical from the blogosphere, I sat down on my lazy ass and started typing. The past few days have been taxing, I wonder why it's so difficult to type out a bloody post. It's not as if I have to write out a serial for Ekta Kapoor or something. I always used to wonder why something, which used to come and flow naturally, has suddenly elevated itself to the most challenging activity in the world. Why, as the world blogs past, do I stay behind, all postless and lonely? Oh fuck, must be this stupid engineering college. At last count, all the tortured engineering souls in my measly blogroll hadn't posted ever since engineering restarted with it's satanical devices - assignments, lectures, submissions et all (An exception to this is Sneha, how she does it is beyond me). However, at least I've caught up with all the movies and sitcoms that I had to view/re-view. They have in turn conspired to keep me post-free, and I keep myself away from blogging to see them, it's a vicious circle I know. Anyways, to all the uninitiated out there, do read this wonderfully informative article to realise just what an average VJTI-ite goes through.

http://www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/VJTI

A wonderfully well researched, informative article, that should enlighten one and all. God bless the soul who wrote that. Also, had a wild overnight this Friday night. This has led to speculation on my part, that maybe the stupor of engineering can be overcome by copious amounts of alcohol and smoke. Keep watching this space for more results on this interesting experiment. Apart from that, nothing much has changed. Life pretty much goes on as it does in engineering. In a rut. Also, I hope everyone celebrated friendship's day yesterday. I hope you all sent out thousands of messages, confessed your undying friendship through cards and all. Or maybe you became smart and realized that friendship is deeper than a SMS, or that the only one who really benefits from your SMS are the mobile companies. Or that, friendship is overrated, or that if your friends think you don't care because you don't forward them nauseatingly sweet sentimental hogwash (thanks Mesmerelle), then it's time to leave and get a new rat pack. Yes, as even a brain dead zombie will infer, I am at my cynical best now. So if anyone has any belief in eternal love or friendship, then trust me, dump it right now, it'll only leave you hurt sooner than later. On this sagely piece of advice, I'll withdraw, satisfied in my knowledge that I've posted and can hence remove the proverbial gun from my head. Thanks for reading and Cheers.

The Chronicles Of Alok - The Mirror, The Ohri And The Bra.

Seems like Harry Potter's the flavor of the blogosphere (surprise, surprise). I think, I've outgrown Harry in the last few years, I will read the last book, but only to complete what I've started. Not that there's much to read anyways, since Mumbai Mirror took it upon themselves to f*&k it up for everyone. Seriously Mirror, GO RAPE YOUR MOTHERS, YOU INCESTUOUS SLUTS. YOU FUCKING WHORES ARE GOING TO BURN IN HELL AND THEN YOUR INTESTINES ARE GOING TO BE FORCE FED TO YOU. HOPEFULLY, YOU'LL WALLOW IN SHIT AND EAT CRAP. I hate tabloid journalism.
The Revenge Of The Ohri - Imagine, it's the beginning of the weekend. You've set yourself up for a Prison Break Marathon. No breaks in between, just the way you like it. The drinks are cold and the grub is hot. The ice cream is chilling in the fridge and 11 episodes of prison break are queued for playback. Can existence be any more blissful? Suddenly after the end of the 5th episode, you feel like you've just crashed into another parallel existence. The actors, the music, the set and the main plot is all the same but it's all disoriented, disjointed. Dazed and confused, you review your play list, only to discover that the 6th episode was sneakily not given to you. Oh well, you accept that life's given you one of it's legendary kick on the balls and sit back and immerse the remaining weekend into the comfort of your life saver, the PS2.
It seems college, while providing plenty of fodder for the mundane, has a stunting effect on my creativity. I guess that's just the definition of an engineering college. Oh well, only one more year and the worst mistake of my life will blow by, sweet!!
Went and saw Zodiac the other day. It was a decent movie, certainly doesn't deserve a 8/10. It's horrendously long and indecently boring, but as far as a historical portrayal of a still at large, now defunct, criminal goes, it's highly watchable.
Just read today that the humble bra is celebrating it's centenary. We all know how important it is to the fairer sex, what with all the push up and the padding bra, then the ever comfy sports bra and the required strapless or transparent one to go along with that little black dress. All said and done however, kudos to the bra for occupying such a prominent place in the male mental constitution. Since, we were kids the bra was THE piece of clothing. I guess it's the one thing that women wear exclusively. Also, it covers the most beautiful and womanly part of her anatomy, and as kids, boy oh boy, the bra was special. A hidden fascination about it is also nurtured by the fact that it's got so many forms. There's the sports bra, the push-up bra, the transparent bra and lingerie etc. Also there's just so many sizes which chicks refer to, but which to us are just hidden codes. I mean, who the hell knows the difference between 24B and a 36A and all the millions of permutations and combinations that abound. The bra is a cultural icon too, what with such legendary songs alluding to it, such as "Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hain" (I know that "Choli" means blouse, but trust me, that's not how it was understood) etc. It's genuinely hard to think of a piece of everyday clothing in history that has fascinated the male sex so much. Ironically, all us guys seem to be desperate to reach that one piece of clothing, but most lack the know-how to open it with one hand. I mean, you would think that after so much preparation to reach the aforementioned piece of clothing, one would have spent time on studying how to unlock it. Anyways, most chicks make too much of a deal out of the entire "open-it-with-one-hand-and-don't-fumble-around" issue. So here's to the bra, the single most fascinating piece of clothing, an item which has, is and always will be occupying a prominent position on the female body and the male mind.
That's about all from here. Thanks for reading. Cheers.

My Readers Are Awesome

Right, first and foremost, a big legendary thank you to all who helped me with getting my hands on Prison Break. Special mention here to Raghav with whose help I actually landed the sitcom, though after our first conversation he must think I am a certifiable loony. Let's just say the conversation was so short and abrupt it made a lemon law scenario look like an eternity. More on that someday.

Also, I should warn you that I am currently experiencing a rather severe case of blogger's block. So though I will churn out posts with regularity, do not expect anything above par. However, I will keep on writing, not only for it's therapeutic effects, but since I believe that this is the best way to get over my current condition.

It seems that I have destroyed a personal view that I had about myself. See, in the past I was intensely proud about the fact that I could traverse the net and find anything. I regularly used to delude myself by saying that if it's on the net, then I can find it. To be fair, in the past I have never failed in the pursuit of anything online. A combination of google, net junkies and other factors have all conspired to enable me to find anything. However, it seems that for the first time, I've been stumped. I can't find out if there is any DC++ hub in Bandra (West). I've searched high and low to find a hub, while being tormented by my friends in Mulund, Thane, Powai etc. about the joys of a DC++ hub. In the end, even they admitted ignorance on a hub in Bandra and I was forced to accept defeat. So I was hoping that some one out there will be angelic enough to help me find out a hub in Bandra. For the uninitiated I am using Reliance (not the data card), so please please help and thanks a ton in advance. Cheers and thanks for reading.

Back To The Daily Grind.....Legendary

Well, college is back on, and it felt good for a couple of days to be back in the hustle and bustle that only 1680+ excited, confused, dazed, angry and (this is the perfect engineering student adjective) disillusioned students can create. Also, as is usual, am already dead bored of it. Apologies for the late update, the http had turned it's back on me, and was of the information superhighway (Author deserves to be shot for using such a cliched word) for a while. However, the good souls at Reliance Communications have restored order and all is good. The kick in the nuts, however, is that I have done nothing blog-worthy (Is that even a word? But thanks Sneha, for expanding my vocabulary) in the past few days. I did meet a co-blogger for the first time, will hopefully meet one more soon and saw copious amounts of "How I Met Your Mother". Capital sitcom that one, highly recommended and a break from intense stuff like Heroes et all. Also, if you do happen to catch it, you'll probably understand a lot of the terminology that, owing to degradation of my writing skills, will appear in future posts. So net hi-five (Okaaaay, so you can shut this window right now, I swear I won't blame you). Well thats all from this end. Also, if anyone can loan me the entire seasons of "Prison Break" and "Life As We Know It", then bored Alok will be eternally grateful. Thanks for reading. Cheers

Fate, A.K.A. The Pharaoh Holding A Dead Rat

Right, so 1370 in G.R.E. That's not half bad, especially as compared to my morbid expectations in the previous post. The theory that easier G.R.E. papers are set on American Independence Day is a runaway success, at least in my eyes. By the way, I should tell you that the title of this post has absolutely no connection with the matter written here. I just had to put it so as to show everyone what a certain reader has thought of my cavalier effort to portray Fate graphically in my previous post (Just wait till you pick up a pencil/brush dude, I'll be right over your shoulder). Needless to say, it had me laughing over the past few days. Personally, I think that being an Arsenal fan, he just lacks the necessary insight to understand. I mean, what can you say about a team that passes the ball 20 times in the penalty box and still doesn't score. To worsen matters their deluded fans often label it as beautiful football, forgetting to see that it's about as effective as a lace handkerchief in a rainstorm. Wake up fellas, the beauty of football is in it's effectiveness. At the end of the day, you gotta get a job done, period. Finally, as this post has meandered from being a G.R.E. score update, to the latest humorous review on my artwork and finally to arsenal-hating, I'll sign off with a few of my favourite "I Hate Arsenal" chants :

My old man said be a Arsenal fan,

I said "Fuck off, you're a cunt"

We took the North Bank in half a minute,

We took the the Shed with the Chelsea in it,

We Hammered the Hammers,

With carving knifes and spanners,

So I'll never be a Gunner,

Cos every cunts a runner,

That's what I told my old man.

If I had the wings of a sparrow,

If I had the arse of a crow,

I'd fly over Arsenal Tomorrow,

And shit on the bastards below, below,

Shit on the bastards below.

There's only one Arsene Wenger,

Only one Arsene Wenger,

With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile,

Wenger is a fucking peadophile.

There's only one Sol Campbell,

There's only one Sol Campbell,

With a packet of sweets and a cheeky grin,

Campbell likes bollocks on the chin.

Vieira, whoa-ohhh

Vieira, whoa-ohhh

He wants to leave the scum,

Cos Campbell wants his bum.

Cheers and thanks for reading.

As You Sow....So Shall You Reap

Right, so I am screwed. Got to give my G.R.E at nine in the morning tomorrow, and haven't done anything. People complete the 30 boxes of words 3 times over, I've done the first 18 boxes once so far. Anyways, am way too apprehensive to write, so I think I'll just crash early (Yup it's actually 10:30, that's gotta be a record of sorts), and place all my hope in the one hope that I had envisioned when I selected my G.R.E. date, that tomorrow being American Independence Day, I may actually get an easier paper than on any other day. Anyway, on this fool's hope I'll retire now. Keep watching this space to see how badly it all went.